Chapter 018—The Chronicles of the Search for the Cow

After setting fire to the remaining pieces of coal in the brazier, I wolfed down gulps of red wine. I thought two bottles of red wine would be needed to make me pass out, yet one bottle was enough to do the job. I was really happy that I blacked out before I could feel the heat, granting me immunity to further sufferings…

Wondering how long it had been, I slowly regained consciousness.

What a loser! You even failed at a suicide attempt!

I sluggishly scanned my surroundings. I was lying on the ground between the bed and the door. Guess I rolled off the bed. I then looked at where the brazier and the coal were placed. Hm? They’re missing! Did the landlady come by? Apart from me, she was the only one to have my key. Could it be that she wanted to save the trouble of calling the police, so she simply took them away? I’m going to sue her for ‘trespass’ and ‘theft’! Ugh! What am I thinking? I still owed her my rent… 

 As I used my best efforts to prop myself up, I realised that I wasn’t wearing anything. It completely struck me, and I checked whether there were any wounds or something on my body at once. There weren’t. I straightened my back and examined my surroundings with my eyes ablaze. My luggage, necessities, clothes, the sundries in my room… They were all gone. Something’s off! Could it be that I really died, and I’m now in the afterlife? Was I a ghost? All those horror movies I had watched made me quickly register that I had already kicked the bucket. I was a ‘ghost’.

Rejoice! Rejoice! I finally died! I could hardly hide my excitement, and I immediately tried out if I had gained any superpowers. 

Through the wall I go! I ran to the door instantly, passed through it without any pain at all, and arrived at the corridor outside. ‘Something’ behind me crashed into me straight away, passing through my torso in an agile manner and continued walking. A cap that was purely black, a pair of bluish grey three quarter length trousers, a pair of white socks, and worn-out trainers. They dutifully floated at their corresponding locations, forming a humanoid form. It looked like a ‘living being’.

Still shook to the core, I blankly stood on the ground as I witnessed the ‘being’ taking out his key and turning the doorknob, before entering the flat nearby and closing the door.

Such an ordinary manoeuver, yet carried out in the most unbelievable way possible. I was aware that ‘being’ was a human. He couldn’t see me, and I couldn’t see him as well.

After I calmed down a bit, I went into his room through the wall. Its basic layout was pretty much the same as mine. There was a bunker bed made of steel, a sliding closet behind the door, a small table next to the door, a ceiling lamp, and a window-type air conditioner. Nothing special.

He didn’t turn the air conditioning on (the electric bill levied by the landlady shockingly cost an arm and a leg) and took off his clothes, trousers, shoes, and socks, until he was in his underwear only. There was a pile of mush slightly above his underwear, queueing up in a specific trail.

Sitting on the upper part of his underwear were colourful scraps of fried noodles with assorted shredded meat, which I could barely make out. Meanwhile, the lower part consisted of smudges of brown and black entangled in curves, yet not in a untidy manner. Their dim and bright hues gave out an unsettling sensation, while their moist and shriveled texture told people how they could create a stench so frighteningly foul.

I turned around to visit the other apartments. My eyes feasted upon the sight before me. Noodles from a pot noodle were hauled up into the air by levitating chopsticks, then automatically crushed into mush. Pencils glided on pieces of paper, leaving scrawls of messy handwriting. A cigarette was lit by a lighter and lingered in the air, to and fro. Puffs of white smoke were forced into formless tubes, then into two air sacs which were as black as ink. As the white smoke escaped out of the big and small tubes, the cigarette reduced to ashes.

Half a day had already passed just by visiting the apartments in the building. When I went down the main street, the sky had already turned dark. The amber street lights were still as faint as usual, yet the view around me was fascinating.

Countless clothes, trousers, shoes, and socks loitered around the streets. Some even went through my body. Vehicles seemed like they had a mind on their own. They knew how to handle traffic lights, and drove or stopped accordingly. Meanwhile, the doors in supermarkets opened and closed on their own, making sure that unmanned wheelchairs made their way safely into and out of shops. Goods in the supermarkets either playfully drifted into baskets from their shelves or blithely wafted their way to the cashiers, paid by wallets beside them. In the kitchen of restaurants, food ingredients were mercilessly sliced by sharp blades, revealed by the incessant sounds of knives clashing into each other. 

I stayed at the corner of the kitchen and saw a piece of beef that was defrosting. With pale shades of red, some of the thin blood flowed on the worktable, while some dripped onto the ground. Afterwards, they slipped into the drainage. The meat was brown and white. It had probably been frozen for more than half a year, as it appeared to be lifeless. In spite of this, this dead piece of meat made me become aware of the ‘presence’ of life once more.

How many oxen did this pile of meat come from? What did those cows eat when they were alive? Grains? Or grass? Was their shelter very cramped? Were they as pitiful as I had been, living in a subdivided flat? Had they witnessed the slaughter of their own kinds the whole time? Or would they hear their cries with their own ears? Would they grieve?  

‘Excuse me, have you seen a calf pass by?’ The voice of a middle-aged woman came through from behind.

Initially, I wasn’t aware that she was referring to me, so I didn’t pay attention to her. Yet after ignoring her for a while, it suddenly hit me. Why can I hear ‘voices’? From the moment I woke up, I hadn’t heard any sounds. If not for the colourful world in front of me, I would probably have been so scared by the odd sense of silence.

I spun around immediately and made eye contact with a cow. I was sure it could see me, but wasn’t sure if it was the one who was talking to me. Was it a ghost as well? Did it have a superpower that allowed it to understand human language?

I shook my head and took a few steps backwards, the fear of seeing ghosts stirring up inside me.

‘Well that’s a pity.’ The cow gloomily swung its tail and turned around. It disappeared from my sight by going through the wall. 

It was only after I simmered down did I start to regret it. I should have followed it! I might have encountered other spirits, from whom I could get more information about ghosts. Maybe even about ways to ‘reincarnate’.

I dashed into the main avenue. The cow’s figure was already out of my sight.

Oh cow! Oh cow! Oh cow! Where are you? I shouted at the top of my lungs. It sounded really stupid, but I went all out without any scruples in mind. There shouldn’t be ‘anyone’ who knew me saw me making a fool out of myself here, right?

There was no reply.

I ran towards the right at will. Bitterly running and screaming, I still didn’t get a response. Before, it used to take me twenty minutes to reach the end of the street from its start. Now, it took even less time if I ran, reaching just around  fifteen minutes. I didn’t even pant and I didn’t feel any pain in my thighs or legs. There was no sign of my body being a burden at all. Did I have some undiscovered superpowers that could help me find the cow? 

Flight? By flying, I could see its figure! I mimicked the action of a bird flapping its wings with my arms, up and down, up and down. Unfortunately, my legs never left the ground. Could it be that I’m too heavy? Could it be that the strength of my arms wasn’t enough to support my whole body? Could it be that I actually didn’t possess such a superpower?

‘Haha!’ The cow’s voice could be heard from behind me. ‘Are you learning how to fly?’ A smile grew across its face, as it slowly approached me from nearby.

My thoughts were interrupted by its abrupt appearance, and my mouth formed words of gibberish. ‘Yes… No!’

Its smile grew wider on its face.

Dang it! I was teased by a cow!

I was looking for you! I promptly changed the topic, so as to break free from this predicament.

‘Yes I know. I heard your calls.’ The cow’s smile disappeared, and was replaced by scornful eyes. ‘You kept walking further away while you were calling for me though. How was I supposed to answer you then?’ In its eyes, I was probably a dimwit. 

You could have answered me loudly, or run towards me. I taught it. 

‘You were the one who wanted to find me. Why would you want me to take the initiative to humour you? It’s not that you’re treating me to something good.’ The cow was blunt with its words. ‘From your red face, you’ve probably died not long ago. I guess you would want an elder to rely on, right?’

Guilty as charged, I was dumbstruck.

After moments of silence, it left first. Feeling helpless, I followed it like a dog who had lost its home.

I didn’t have to tell the difference between pavements and roads anymore. I could walk wherever I wanted. The cow liked to walk in the centre of the road. It strolled along the symbol painted with white situated between the two traffic lanes, its four hooves deliberately stepping onto the mark. What a silly and cute act.

‘You don’t have to be afraid. There’s nobody here to hurt you.’ The cow said merrily.

Were there only two of us in the world? Were there no other spirits here? I didn’t attempt to find out the reason behind it. Even a town as small as mine, there would be thousands of lives passing away, logically speaking. Humans, oxen, dogs, cats, mice, cockroaches… From the moment I woke up, half a day had long been passed. Apart from this rude cow, I hadn’t met other ghosts.

‘No! Of course there are other ghosts. But if it wasn’t meant to be, there’s no chance of communicating with them.’ The cow, who was ahead of me, let out sighs overflowing with emotions. ‘At this very moment, other than “living beings”, “spectres” which we don’t share a fate with are also passing through us. There are way more ghosts than living beings. Yet, we can neither feel each other’s presence, nor come into contact with each other.’ It trod onto the pavement deliberately, allowing clothes, trousers, shoes and socks to go through itself. ‘This is what my “friend” told me. It knows everything.’

Did destiny bring the cow to me? I could imagine innumerable phantoms going through my body simultaneously. Despite this, I could not fathom out how my life was bound together with a cow I’d never met before by fate.

‘I’ve got things to do, and I can’t take care of you for much longer.’ The cow seemed to have recalled something. Her eyes displayed a sense of loneliness.

I forced out a smile. ‘How about you introduce your ‘friend’ to me, so I can get more information from them. Then I won’t have to bother you again.’

‘Walk straight in that direction, and you’ll see it.’ The cow coldly pointed the way with its tail. 

Parting ways with the experienced cow wasn’t a wise thing to do when I wasn’t clear of the situation. I tried to come up with an appealing excuse, so as to persuade her to allow me to continue following her. ‘What urgent matters do you have? Do you need my help? As a token of gratitude for your guidance?’

According to our conversation just now, I believed that it must have some degree of intellect and experience, and it wouldn’t ask for something so beyond belief.

Stunned, the cow carefully studied my expression. It looked like it didn’t expect me to offer a helping hand directly. Nonetheless, I was sure that it would let me stay by its side. When their intelligence reaches a certain degree, animals will know how to use tools, including their own kind.

‘I’m looking for my son.’ The cow was very emotional. ‘When I was still alive, I watched him being carried off by humans, and he could no longer be found. Now, I’m free from the restraints of my flesh, so I can find him in a footloose manner.’

I immediately thought of a key problem. If fate must be taken into consideration for encounters, the only reason the cow couldn’t find its calf was because ‘they weren’t meant to be’. If they were, they would definitely run into each other no matter the circumstances. My town, where buildings stood tall, was approximately two thousand and seven hundred square kilometres large. The cow and I met in a small restaurant in the town. If it wasn’t written in the stars, what else could possibly explain our meeting in the vast universe?

I didn’t say all of this out loud and pretended to ask more questions about the calf.

‘We could visit the place where he passed away, and see if his spirit would be lingering there. Where did the little calf die?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘We could go to places that might be related to his death. Did your calf have any hobbies when he was alive?’

‘Driving flies away with his tail.’

‘Where was he taken to by humans?’

‘A truck for delivering cows.’

Basically, all traces were lost. We could only depend on fate itself.

Every mention of the little calf was like stabbing a dagger into the cow’s heart. Its steps grew heavy, while its eyes conveyed a deeper sense of sorrow with its head hung lower. Its four hooves no longer fixated on the road signs either. I didn’t have the heart to ask any more questions concerning the calf, and I even shifted its focus by voluntarily talking about my lifetime experiences…

It was a moonless night. Most living humans had gone back home for rest. Under the yellow street lights, about ten sets of clothes, trousers, shoes, and socks lumbered on the main avenue. Some would occasionally stop at traffic lights, making way for cars. Yet, a lot of them would ignore the traffic lights, bolting across the road directly, living like rats scattering in street corners. 

The soundless chaos cast a strong aura of death.

During my lifetime, I had always longed for the serenity of the afterlife. After death, however, I felt like the living world resembled more of my impression of death. 

In my lifetime, besides a few exchanges during working hours, communication wasn’t needed at other times. The tedium was no different than the dullness of being stuck in a coffin. After death, I gabbed away with the newly-met cow, sharing our experiences in life.

It touched upon the fact that its son had a red birthmark in his right leg. He didn’t like to eat grass, but he enjoyed chewing it. Meanwhile, I mentioned that my only girlfriend had smooth, silky jet-black hair up to her waist. She possessed exquisite and refined features, a divine figure, and firm, fair skin. She was a woman of cuteness and ingenuousness, kindness and integrity… 

‘Since you loved her, why would you choose to commit suicide?’ The cow was inherently a cow after all; it understood neither the complex human world, nor the trains of human thoughts.

There were numerous reasons for my suicide. I didn’t plan on explaining every single detail, lest casting pearls before swine, or cow in this case, and wasting my breath.

‘You’re already dead. You’re now free from the constraints of your flesh. You can now love her with all your heart.’ The cow genuinely didn’t understand my difficulties. There was no hint of judgement between its words.

‘Not yet!’ I smiled bitterly. Being hung up on a relationship that was not meant to have a good ending was a painful thing to do. That was why regardless of how deep our feelings for each other were, I still decided to bury my feelings deep down. 

‘Oh! So humans’ problems won’t disappear along with their flesh?’ The cow pitied humans earnestly. ‘That’s terrible!’

I was at a loss for words. How do I put this? Yes, humans’ problems haven’t disappeared, but the problems which drove me up the wall had all gone away. Housing problems, financial problems, my future, my morals, my relationship with my parents, politics, my family, my career, my health, my living conditions… all of which could resurface no more.

How tragic. The basic necessities of life turned out to be the main reason for my suicide attempt. What’s even more distressing, most of the living still had to face them. Did they have the ability to solve these issues? How so?

No! I shouldn’t use my head for these things anymore. They weren’t my problems anymore, but instead they belonged to the living…

‘Or maybe, you could stay by her side until she passes away. Once she dies, you can meet her instantly and be together forever! Isn’t that right?’ The cow was pretty quick-witted. Not bad. Despite the fact that it forgot to consider humans lacked the feature of ‘loving only one person in their whole life’.

I was about to reject its suggestion, when I saw the rose-coloured morning glow emerging in the periwinkle sky in the corner of my eye. In a twinkling of an eye, the words on the tip of my tongue had been chased away by an unnamed silence. The cow seemed to have seen through my feelings and led the way to a ‘good place’ to watch the sun rise. 

On the wide main avenue, four hooves and two legs ran wild. They turned a blind eye to cars wheeling towards them, traffic lights, and safety rules. They only knew how to hurtle towards where the sun rose. As I ran along, I suddenly found myself as an aeroplane accelerating on the runway. When I reached that light, I would naturally fly off the ground.

Yes! I can definitely fly!

Run, step, leap, and fly!

My feet were off the ground, and I easily caught up with the cow who was ten lengths ahead of me. I even performed a skydiving move in front of it. 

‘Woah!’ The cow was captivated by my performance and roared with excitement. Its exhilarated figure stood out among the busy crowd.

I turned around and plummeted downwards. One clutch of my arms and I lifted the cow off the ground. It was a lot lighter than I had expected. Was it because of the absence of its flesh? Who cares? As long as we’re happy!

The colour of the morning sky grew brighter. Hues of ruby and primrose dazzled the eyes of many. The cow was more terrified than ever, as it let out screams and cries. I blatantly turned a deaf ear to it before flying higher on my own, higher than all the buildings nearby. I was then rewarded with a view with no boundaries. As the sunglow dimmed down, it was replaced by a tone of flawless fishbelly-white. The cow in my arms became quiet all of a sudden, silently waiting for the protagonist’s appearance. Golden rays led the way first, gathering the attention of all living beings into one spot. The rising sun made the sky lose all other colours. Without the constraint of my flesh, I boldly gazed at the sun directly.

It was pure white, pure light, pure energy. Pure feelings, pure happiness, pure love.

‘Little Calf!’ The cow called out its son’s name.

I hollered out my girlfriend’s name.

I clearly knew that the other person couldn’t hear me, but I just had to shout it out loud! I clearly know you would never feel it ever again, but I just had to love you!

When the sun hung high up in the sky, we returned to the ground. On the road, we walked side by side, looking at each other without a word, while paying no attention to the array of questions that flooded our minds. The only thing we did was bask in the wonderful aftertaste presented by the sunrise. When the sun reached the peak on its arch, we went to the promenade. Strolling along the way, we chewed the fat and relished the sunlight sparkling off the wavelets.

‘I’ve made a decision.’ The cow revealed a rare, gentle smile. ‘After I bring you to my “friend”, then I shall continue to search for my son. You can get a lot of information from my “friend”. It will be a great help to your pursuit for your girlfriend.’ It desperately tried to understand my world with its limited knowledge and went through the trouble of planning everything out. ‘In the beginning, I thought you were just wandering around aimlessly. Now I know that you also have someone you miss. Missing someone hurts really bad…’ Putting me into its shoes, it supposed that I was experiencing something similar to the pain of losing its son.

My eyes brimmed with tears. I patted the short fur on its head to comfort it. Who would have expected that I would have such a profound exchange with this cow I’d only met in less than twenty four hours.

‘All right! Let’s walk the talk!’ The cow’s face was instantly in high spirits, before charging towards the fence. One kick of its four hooves and the cow dove straight onto the surface of the sea.

The sea was calm and the ripples didn’t splash out because of it. Its four hooves stood upright on the water surface steadily, unaffected by the waves as if the cow was walking on flatland. The cow turned its head back and called to me to follow it.

My eyes glanced at the sea, then shifted towards my legs. My mind unexpectedly conjured up the bitter memory of a drowning incident back when I was a child. My eyes stung with harrowing pain, the pungent smell of the pool water surged into my nose and mouth, all of my limbs flinging exasperatedly as they grasped for air. A failed struggle was tenfold more brutal than the thrill of a fatal blow…

My feet seemed like they were nailed to the ground, and they could not be lifted for some time. The sunlight was magnificent. The sea was beautiful. Though I didn’t dare to come forward. 

Time was nothing when faced with my fears. My thoughts, the waves in the sea, the gleams reflected off the ripples, all of which stood in terror. I obviously knew that I had already died, and I would never relive the agony again. Why couldn’t I just let them go?

The cow didn’t hurry me. It gently lifted up its head and gave a soft smile. ‘Are you scared of water?’

I nodded.

‘Ride on my back then.’ The cow bended its front hooves and half-knelt. ‘This is to thank you for bringing me along to watch the sunrise by flying.’

Without the slightest hesitation, I jumped onto its back immediately and continued on our journey. The cow’s footsteps were steady and stable. They weren’t bumpy at all.

‘How do you walk on water?’ I asked.

‘If you think you can do it, then you can do it.’


‘If you think you can fly, then you can fly. If you think you can walk on water, then you can walk on water.’

Then why don’t you fly and watch the sunrise by yourself? 

‘I’m scared of heights.’

I laughed, and the cow laughed as well.

Indeed, the moment I took off, I purely thought I was able to fly, and I didn’t doubt whether or not I could fly. Like how naturally I thought ghosts could pass through walls.

It finally dawned on me.

One heave of my arms and I sprang down from the cow’s back, standing on the water with gloat and pride written all over my face.  ‘All right. Now your turn!’

The cow froze, as its emotions swam between fear and delight.

‘I can’t say for sure, but you may be able to teach your little calf how to fly soon, and take in all the good views in the world!’

The cow smiled with zest. Its hooves slightly left the water surface.

‘Just like that!’ I encouraged it, as our eyes met each other. To forget about heights, it had to remember the depths of his twinkling eyes. 

‘My little calf!’ It yelled out its son’s name and took off successfully.

I followed behind him as we soared across the harbour and landed on an outlying island.

Under the scorching sun, there were few tourists. Salespeople from different shops cooled off in the shade of the eaves, with a fan in their hands. Me and the cow rolled into an ancient temple. There wasn’t anyone here. The joss sticks were as scattered as the few hairs of a bald man’s head. I raised my head to take a look at the wooden statue, which emanated solemnity and vicissitude. Would this fellow who couldn’t even fend for himself be the cow’s friend?

‘Little calf has finally returned.’ His voice was like a gentle breeze, or like a nourishing drizzle. He was the windchimes in the minds of listeners. 

‘No. I still haven’t found my calf. I only found a human spirit.’ The cow was in low spirits.

‘This is your calf.’ The statue assured it. ‘The calf had reincarnated many times, and had forgotten his identity as “little calf” long ago, as well as you.’

I didn’t know whether it was the wrong impression, but I always thought that the inarticulate statue was looking at me with an extremely tranquil gaze.

‘How could I not remember my calf?’ The cow cried out in agitation. ‘He had distinct , round, eyes, a red birthmark on his right hind leg, a tail that never stopped wagging, a scar cut by a small knife on the left of his forehead…’

‘Do you remember the view outside your house?’ The indifference of the statue served as a contrast for the cruel side of reality. ‘A shed made of firewood and hay, and a massive wampee tree in front of it. There was a huge grassland under the tree…’

The cow nodded.

‘Are they still there?’ A simple utterance from the statue was enough to drag out tears from the cow. 

‘No… When the owner of the shed died of aging, his descendants sold the place to a rich man. His servant tore down the shed, chopped off the wampee tree, and cleared out the grass. He then built a large brick house on the open space. Later on, the brick house was dismantled and rebuilt into a school, then into a residence, then into a building…’ The cow did a double take , turned around to look at me, with disbelief written all over its face. ‘Now it is a restaurant…’

Our eyes met each other. I could probably guess what it was thinking. This was the fate we shared.

The space around us fell silent immediately, as if we were the only ones existing. 

Our bond had begun neither with our current lives, nor with the current world the cow knew about. It was highly possible that it happened in the far past. Did it occur before the Earth was born? Did it occur in other parts of the universe? In spite of this, all of that wasn’t important, because we couldn’t even understand the situation before us clearly.

‘I suddenly felt my calf’s presence nearby when I was loitering in the streets yesterday. As I followed my feelings, I walked into the restaurant. I couldn’t find my calf’s figure but yours. I only saw you as a human I had a special bond with. Who would’ve expected that you’re actually my calf…’ The tearful cow melted into smiles. ‘How terrible! I couldn’t recognise my little calf. I really am a terrible mother!’

‘No! You’re not a terrible mother! Times are always changing. It’s normal not to recognise me.’

‘Thank you.’ Among our smiles, the cow’s presence faded away and disappeared without a trace. 

My heart dropped as if something was missing, tears brimming at the corner of my eyes. I turned to look at the statue, wishing for guidance. 

Where did the cow go?

‘It went to the next stage.’ A faint smile could be spotted across the statue’s face, cold yet kind. 

I didn’t say another word, and I randomly found a dark corner to lie down, gathering my thoughts. I blankly stared at the light spilling from the roof, and I could see the dust floating in the air where light and shade were both present. They drifted down slowly, passed through me and finally reached the ground. Small but definite. Like me.

What is the ‘next stage’?


When do I go to the next stage?

‘When you’re not here.’

How can I not be here?

‘When you don’t want to be here, you’ll leave this place naturally.’

I don’t want to stay here anymore…

‘That’s not true. You still want to stay here. You’re still holding tightly onto this world.’


‘You thought that ghosts could pass through walls, so not long after you died, you already knew how to do so. When you felt like flying, you could change flying from an inability to an ability.  When you understood the principle of walking on water, you could instantly do so. On the outside, you have already accepted the fact that you have lost your physical body.

‘Yet, when you moved, you would use your legs to walk or to run. When you perceived your surroundings, you would use your eyes. You would use your mouth and vocal cords when talking to the cow. In fact, your flesh had perished. You don’t have legs, eyes, a mouth and vocal cords anymore. You are still used to thinking that you’re using your body. You still haven’t let go of your “body”.’

Then I’ll forget what I’m used to. That should do!

‘You will have to let go of the way you think. For example, you could hear the cow talking in human language all along.  But let me tell you, it didn’t know how to do so. It only moo-ed the whole time. You heard it speaking human because you thought you could only understand human language, and adding the fact it was a ghost, it should have superpowers. “Knowing how to speak human” counts as a superpower… or something like that. You’re still consciously using concepts you have learnt in the human world.’

Well then, I’ll forget these concepts. That should do!

‘Finally, you will have to give up on your fixation. Like how the cow let go of its little calf.’

I suddenly remembered what the cow had said. Missing someone is a painful thing. In an instant, I couldn’t distinguish the last expression it had made; I didn’t know whether it was misery, joy, or something else. I also couldn’t tell whether I was determined enough to forget that gut-wrenching memory. At the end of the day, while relinquishing pain, the happiness within disappears alongside.

The cow suffered when it lost its calf. That was because it was happy when it had its calf.

At first, I chose to give up my life. That was because living made me suffer. The pain from surviving was due to my inability to own the memories that made me feel content. Only after I lost my life did I find those which ‘made me feel content’ were simply ephemeral. 

No matter before or after my death, the only person that conquered my heart was my girlfriend.

I parted ways with her in the past, since I thought I couldn’t take care of her. In this city of chaos, leading a decent life was extraordinary. Taking care of our parents, wife, and children were proud achievements in life. The end of my life proved that our decision to part ways was on the beam… No! That’s not right! Having the determination to go separate ways and commit suicide was the true way to break off our shared fate. Severing shared fates between people also cut ties between man and possibility!  

I want to stay a little longer, I told the statue. I want to wait until after my girlfriend dies, and explain the rules here to her. Like what the cow did as it took care of me. 

‘That may not work out… The bond between you two has become extremely thin because of your suicide. Unless, if both of you miss each other dearly. Like the century-long persistence the cow had with its calf.’

It turned out that the cow had been searching for its calf for a hundred years…

‘Do you understand now?’

Yes I do! No matter the results, I will stay beside her, and start building up my perseverance. A change of my mind made the vision in front of me crumble into dust, before rearranging themselves into a small bedroom. A picture of a rich lady was residing within a photo frame, which was placed on the nightstand. I recognise that tender smile; it belonged to my former girlfriend.


For chapter updates and other info, be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. You can also find our team on the Verdant Lore discord server here.