After signing the papers, my marriage with Siu Nung drew to an end. In her suit, she hung a smile on her face, charming but not a kind one. She then exchanged a few greetings with Mr. Lee, the lawyer. After a few rounds of laughter they shook hands across the messy table in a gentle but firm handshake. I wasn’t as strong-minded as her, as my heart kept pounding and couldn’t slow down.
With my mind distracted, my guard was down when Siu Nung drew close to me all of a sudden. She casually planted a small kiss on my cheek, marking it with a thick, fiery red lip stain. Smiling mischievously, she said, ‘That’ll be the last time. Savour it properly.’ I blankly gazed at her pretty face, hoping my mouth would open up and say something. At that moment, all my thoughts were entangled together, words scrambling and rushing to the front, only to end up in a great mess. In the end, no words left my lips.
Siu Nung approached the door. Her cascading, long locks of hair flowed elegantly.
Her arms swung naturally with power as they complemented her quick stride. Her whole body shimmered with so much confidence that I couldn’t look directly at her.
I was itching to escape from here immediately to the office where all the lights were out. Just like that night a year ago…
Relying solely on the faint light outside the window, my eyes stole a glimpse of the clock hanging on the wall. I couldn’t make out where the minute hand was pointing to. If I had to know the exact time, I could just command Miss Ng, my secretary who was riding between my thighs, to slow down her pace.
Yet, I didn’t intend to do so. I shall not allow her to be distracted by other people or things, including that clock. Her body brought ecstasy for me exclusively. Her mind could only revolve around me. Her soul could only ascend for me. Bodies and minds spiraled between fantasy and reality, resembling yin and yang, which were two sides of the same coin, mutually transforming at the same time.
Miss Ng needed me, as I needed her. She acquired fame, money, and authority. At the same time, I attained a sense of nihilistic happiness, accomplishment, and dignity.
Lustful slaps split into two, and they morphed into seductive shrieks and wrathful footsteps of the same rhythm.
The door opened, and in came Siu Nung who went berserk. She bit our heads off, telling off Miss Ng as an ungrateful whore and me as a fickle, heartless rat. Clear and distinct, her curses mirrored razor-sharp blades. Nevertheless, they couldn’t split open the moans rising and falling in the room.
Having been ignored, she plunged into despair. Siu Nung was like a puppy who lost its home, hanging her head low. Her shadow, struck by distraught, only served to make me tingle with excitement.
Both my heart and body were satisfied immensely that night.
Satisfaction and desolation were evidently polar opposites, yet they were inseparable. Without having the sweet taste of gratification, I wouldn’t have noticed how deep the void had been in my life. Without having poured bitter tears of hollowness, I wouldn’t have understood the thrilling addiction my contentment had brought along.
Without having tasted the pleasant smell of Miss Ng’s sweat, I wouldn’t have been aware of the aridity in my heart. Without having lived under Siu Nung’s shadow, I wouldn’t have known how despicable the glow from strong women was.
WIthout having experienced Siu Nung’s aggression today, I wouldn’t have known how to relish her vulnerability in the past.
As a fledgling, Siu Nung had chubby cheeks with a little bit of baby fat. She minded about her short height, but she wouldn’t wear heels as they hurt her feet. She wanted to see the latest movie, but because she was scared of ghosts, she didn’t dare to go to the cinema. When it was boiling hot outside, as we walked on the streets, she complained about the heat while hugging my arm tightly. We savoured the sweetness of being in love… It was annoying yet alluring.
Ordinary happiness couldn’t be perceived without having gone through the wonders of distress. After our marriage, we established our company and started our own business. Faced with failures and frustration, Siu Nung would always hide behind me. I wasn’t pleased with her cowardice, and I often felt like she was a drag on our business. Seeing red, I turned around and kicked her once, twice and thrice, destroying her pusillanimity completely.
I couldn’t tell anymore whether I pushed Siu Nung to the front, or I took the initiative to go behind her.
Was it me who entered Miss Ng’s cave, or was it her cave which sucked me in?
Was it me who gave up Siu Nung, or was it Siu Nung who gave up on me?
I was too baffled to tell.